Garden Humour (Hortus facetiae). The aphids are coming, the aphids are coming
    My Favourite Gardening Outfit Consists of . . .

    Example:  A large pair of yellow rubber boots with huge treads on the bottom that leave impressions of carrots behind in the mud as I walk though the garden, a hat that has passed through the compost heap twice, and an old cord jacket with absorbent sleeves for those runny nose days. 
    ~ Dibble 
    Deck shoes (canvass and rubber):  Holes are beginning to appear in the sides.  These are worn without socks.  They were chosen because they would not be damaged by getting wet; sometimes, they are soaked (not intentionally). 
    ~ David #1
    Working in the garden, I like to be as naked as I can be.  Now that, of course, does not mean I am undressed. It just means that washing my skin is a thousand times easier than washing ANY clothes.  So usually I wear old tennis shoes without laces, a tank top (quite an appropriate name when you think of what it's covering), and shorts ... nowt else. I feel free, and just about as earthy as it gets! 
    ~ Anne #2
    My favourite gardening outfit consists of  a pair of 5 year old navy Bermuda shorts which I routinely dye twice a summer to keep them looking new. My bestest black and brown Wellies which are just a touch large, so that they galumph loudly when I walk but offer a quick release whenever I get over involved in the compost mountain.  Then my one piece bathing suit with the extra ventilation in the seat (modestly covered by the shorts, but which leaves interesting body markings whenever I sweat too much).  This stunning ensemble is topped by pink and blue paisley handkerchief knotted round my forehead to stop the drops of mucky sweat falling into my eyes.  (My hands are always muddy when sweat gets in my eyes -- hate that.)  The best part of this outfit is that it takes 2 seconds (1 per boot) to hop into the pool and clean/cool off. (I do have a sexier outfit for the cool weather gardening when the pool is only a dream, but you did say "favourite"!)
    ~ Ines #3
    Nude ... nuh uh ... my yard faces the exit ramp of a highway ... wouldn't want to create any "moving" violations. I sell "colour" in the decorating store where I work. I hope my customers never see me in my favourite gardening outfit ... it could jeopardize their confidence in my "taste". (Darn I'm over 35 words already!)  Baggy khaki cotton shorts, baggy aqua sleeveless "Nearly Human Tour" Todd Rundgren tank top, navy duck shoes and a red baseball cap **blush** ... 
    (I do own a colour wheel). 
    ~ Arlene #4 winner
    Straw hat:  Raven and other bird feathers that I pick up from my lawn are stuck in the hat band.  The hat is necessary most of the year since I am now sufficiently bald that my scalp would burn without it. 
    ~ David #5
    jeans (winter) or jeans shorts (summer): These will be worn until disintegration reaches the point where a criminal charge of indecent exposure might be levied. 
    ~ David #6
    The concise way I like to do gardening, skivvies & knee pads. 
    ~ Jafa #7
    If I was out in the middle of nowhere and had no chance of being seen by anyone, I'd do my gardening in a bikini. But since that would scare half my neighbours to death and cause the other half to laugh themselves into a stupor, I wear pretty conventional attire. I prefer to wear a pair of jeans that are too small for me (because they are old and I don't care if they get messed up) and covered in paint splotches ( I also wear them for painting). I have a T-shirt which also is covered in paint and grass stains that definitely looks awful, but it already dirty so I don't care if it gets messed up any more. It is also a bit snug and I spend a lot of time pulling it down so it covers what it is supposed to. I have a pair of runners, sans laces, that are definitely part of the  ensemble - grass stains and paint - but they also have the added touch of dirt around the soles and 'air conditioning' where I caught one on a nail last summer. I don't like to wear gardening gloves so I wear yellow rubber gloves instead. I finish the look with a straw sun hat with a big purple flower on the side. I call it 'garden chic', my husband calls it 'garbage chic'. Whichever way you look at it, I am comfortable when I tend to my plants and that is all I worry about. 
    ~ Janet #8
    Those wonderful clothes I wear only in the garden?  Actually, I like to garden in the nude.  I live in a rural area, and my yard is surrounded by woods, giving me enough privacy.  The sun feels good in the summer. 
    ~ Jason #9
    A smile (sweet and simple). ~ Gardeness #10
    Twin set and Pearls -- not for us Colonial lassies!  'Down under' code of garden dress calls for a slapped on coating of sun block, and insect repellent, then add shorts, singlet and rubber Jandals (thongs, flip-flops).  Fit is optional with age, and girth playing no part in final appearance. Finishing touches are the white zinced nose, head sweat band and sun visor. And so we go forth to play in the dirt with nary a thought for neighbour or caller. 
    ~ Kiwi Gardener #11
    Purple rubber boots. It is very hard to find purple rubber boots in adult sizes.  Also this summer, I am about to find out what it is like to garden while carrying an infant in a snuggli.  But it should be much easier to find purple rubber boots for "Spike". 
    ~ Heather #12
    My Garden is a spiritual place.  I look upon it as my sanctuary, with this in mind its only fitting that I wear my holiest clothing there. I hate surprise visitors, they always send me running for cover (I live out in the country, so there's no one to see me otherwise). Bare foot is the only appropriate footwear when communing with nature, however, I'm sure she understands when I wear my holiest work boots when using sharpish tools. 
    ~ Sarah #14
    My gardening outfit consists of a pair of old black slacks and an old tee shirt, and a gardening apron with lots of packets around the bottom of it - which, I might add get filled up with odd bits and pieces after each gardening session - seed packets, odd bits of wire, labels, pencils, bits of plastic, and other strange things that ought not be in the garden, but I forget to empty the pockets and of course, they get fuller and fuller. 
    Can you imagine how funny I look - with packets that swing to and fro whilst I walk around the garden beds? 
    ~ Joan #15
    You think I wear clothes to garden in???  Guess again! :) 
    ~ Lois L #16
    T-shirt:  slogans include . . . 
    Born in the USA a long, long time ago.
    I fought the lawn . . . [front]  . . . and the lawn won [back]. 
    Nifty, shifty, 50 [over 7 years old].
    Several are so old, the slogans can hardly be read. 
    ~ David #17
    When I work in the garden or at the green house, I like to wear dark green, baggy pants with tons of pockets; a size huge mens, green cotton tee-shirt, over which goes a mens size huge dark green long sleeved cotton shirt. In the winter this outfit is generally topped by a men's size huge green fleece top and a dark green wool beret, and on the feet, a pair of genuine farmer (green) rubber boots with very good treads. This outfit has terrified people on the street, and intimidates greenhouse customers, so that if I yell "Put the plant down and no one gets hurt..." my wishes are complied with at once. The outfit described above varies only slightly during the summer. I lose the fleece top, and the beret is substituted for a large white floppy brimmed hat with huge purple polka dots on it. ~ Garden Commando #18
    My garden attire consists of anything that is comfortable, the bigger the better! 
    ~ DEH #19
    ...can't wait to get out to the garden in the morning to see how my plant friends are doing - so - I wear whatever I'm wearing first thing in the morning - the T-shirt I slept in, my undies, and for the neighbours sake yesterdays jeans or a pair of long johns to cover up my unshaven legs, not to mention my stylish underwear! 
    ~ Dawn #20
    Jeans with ripped knees - absolutely crucial for those healthy brown tanned kneecaps. Scruffy sweatshirt, my Lee Valley Wellingtons which I wear as slippers in the house most days in the summer. And on colder days a red chequered wool coat that has had the sleeves ripped open from my Irish Wolfhound trying to drag me away from the garden to play with him. 
    ~ Carla #21
    Ooooooops . . . barefeet only when it doesn't involve shovels, manure and rosebushes. I like the feel of the dirt between my toes. 
    ~ Shauna #22
    Oh dear, I must admit to gardening in whatever I happen to be wearing when the mood takes me! Might be my dressing gown, might be a designer suit!  Whatever, whenever!! 
    ~ Anne #23
    Well, my favourite gardening outfit is anything white - I like to start out looking clean and crisp - with an old, long short sleeved man's shirt that is red and black chequered and was picked up for 50 cents at Frenchy's! I wear old boots for the heavy work and white tennis shoes for the lighter stuff that have travelled all over Arizona -- and I will keep those until my toes are hanging out! 
    ~ Shonna #24
    I favour green, preferably dark since it blends nicely with the various plant materials that I generally manage to get all over me. When doing the annual Lime Sulphur spray, I put on a white (disposable) overall, a mask, and a dishcloth over my hair, this is then covered with a plastic shopping bag. The hands are put into rubber kitchen gloves and the rubber boots of course are on the feet.  Armed with the shoulder sprayer, I am a vision that has baffled many neighbours. 
    ~ Garden Commando #25
    Living in the beautiful but often hostile sub-tropics, I wear a well ventilated wide brimmed hat, a coating of army strength insect repellent (allergy to biting midges), leather and cotton gloves, the cotton to absorb perspiration, leather to protect against snake bites, wasp stings and other little beasties encountered when weeding, reddish shorts and T-shirt to disguise the soil's red colour, and clogs, (checked before insertion of feet).  And I love it! 
    ~ Beryl #26
    What I have to wear when I work in the garden: 
    "Full mesh jacket" (and hood with face screen), long pants with NO Holes!!, X-country ski gaiters; gloves . . . did I mention we have many hungry black fly hordes out here in the sticks? And hiking boots, in case of snakes (not really; they're just what's comfy).
    ~ Leo #27
    I think my Aunt had the right idea when she gardened in her slip. 
    ~ Gayle #28
    Yellow plaid stretchies,  pink and yellow tie-dyed T-shirt, either hot pink and white platform sandals or lime green tennies with pink butterflies on toes  and my absolutely most favourite straw hat with the big, faded yellow sunflower dead centre of the front, floppy lady bugs extended on wire antennas and a big green Praying Mantis on the brim (keeps away almost everyone!).  Sunshades and my handy dandy ring clip for a sweat wiping rag complete my lovely ensemble. 
    Did I mention that I NEVER go in the front yard . . . 
    ~ Shirley #29
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