The best way to garden is to put on a wide
brimmed straw hat
and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in
the
other, tell somebody else where to dig. How to stop a dog from digging in a garden. Start
right! Never let
the dog see you digging . . . Doggy see, doggy do
Grass is just a flower bed in waiting
Why do melons have fancy weddings?Because they cantaloupe.
Two friars are having trouble paying off the belfry, so they
open a florist shop. Everyone wants to buy
flowers from the men of God so
business is quickly booming. The florist across town
sees a huge drop in sales and asks
the two friars to close their shop,
but they refuse. A month later the
florist begs the friars to close because he’s
having trouble feeding his family. Again, they refuse, so
the florist hires Hugh McTaggert. Hugh is the roughest,
toughest thug in town and is hired to “persuade”
the friars to close. Hugh asks the friars to
close their florist shop. When they refuse, he
threatens to beat the crap out of them
and wreck their shop every day they remain open, so they close. This proves once again
that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent
florist friars. ~ Paul Grass is just a flower bed in waiting New gardeners learn by by trowel and error.
AD for ant traps. "Will kill ants for 3 months."
. . . do they come back to life then? I left packet a of seeds in my pocket and my coat
turned into a
Chia jacket Compost is best aged a little
like a fine
wine. I mean, would you prefer to drink a nice 97, or something that
was
made last Thursday. Grow your own dope........Plant a man ~Faye If I could only grow green stuff in my garden like I
can in my refrigerator Two older ladies were sitting on a park bench outside
the local
town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We
never have any fun
anymore. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off right now and streak through
that stupid flower show!" "You're on!" said the other old lady,
holding up a
$5.00 bill.
As fast as she could, the first little old lady
fumbled her way out
of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door
of
the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge
commotion inside the
hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the
door
surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting
friend. "Why, I won first prize for Best Dried
Arrangement."
The cat was hoist on his own petard while swinging from trees in the yard he did many tricks even pausing for licks but got hung out on his own leotard Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are
removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable
plant. ~
Joan I'm a gardener and I'm OK I sleep all night and I plant all day! I dress in grubby clothing, and hang around with slugs. Oh I'm happy in the garden With dirt and plants and bugs . . .
(to the tune of Monty Python's "I'm a
Lumberjack") Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled. A toddler who was found chewing on a slug. After the initial surge of disgust the parent said, "Well . . . What does it taste like?" "Worms," was the reply. Spring does not arrive until the
ice is out
of the compost heap. Winter does not arrive until the
ice is IN
the compost. Until then, all bets are off. ~ Ellen, MG. Another unwritten rule of gardening -- any
self-respecting rock
will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home. Compostaphile and Compostaphobe -- To rot or not to
rot . . . Headline: Dog attacks topiary cat. Sometimes what a man says, says more about the
man. Here is a quote from President George Bush in 1990: "I do not like broccoli. And haven't liked it since I
was a little
kid and my mother made me eat it. I'm President of the United States
and
I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.". . . Umm! A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival
skill except for learning how to grow in rows. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells
and don't work
half the time.
Every garden is unique with a
multitude of choices of
soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as
seeing
what brings a smile to your face -- Teresa Watkins A good compost pile should get hot enough to poach an
egg, but not so hot it would cook a lobster. Gardening requires a lot of water - most of it in the
form of perspiration. A Veggie New Age Song: Peas would rule the planets, and love would clear the
bars. It was the dawning of the Age of Asparagus, age of
asparagus The difference between weeds and flowers is the weeds
are the easiest
ones to pull out. What's green and walks through walls? Casper the
friendly cucumber.
Man at the market: "My wife asked
me to buy ORGANIC
vegetables. Have these been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
"No," replied the gardener,"you'll have to do
that yourself." Really Bad Puns
1. My wife works over-thyme in her herb garden before
she decides it
is time to cummin. 2. Don't expect a bonsai tree to grow the miniature
planting it. 3. I will cut the grass only when I get Mowtivated. 4. The research assistant couldn't experiment with
plants because
he hadn't botany. 5. Old gardeners never die they just vegetate. 6. Gardeners like to plant their feet firmly. 7. If you're a gardener you might call yourself a
'plant manager'.
